I Caught Him Cheating ... Now What?

At first, you saw what you thought were signs that your boyfriend or spouse was cheating on you. You decided you weren't going to be passive about the situation so you put some of our investigate techniques to use and you caught him ... caught him "red handed".

You caught him cheating and it hurts like crazy.  So now what should you do?  Do you cut your losses and leave him or do you try to figure out how to make up and make the best of things?

I'm not a psychologist or marriage counselor so take my opinion as just that.  I'm a guy with an 18 year old daughter and this is the advice that I would give her.

First of all I would like to say that I believe that cheating is a character flaw in guys.  There is always an alternative to cheating.  I mean, if a guy is unhappy in his marriage or relationship then he needs to make that known to his significant other.  If needed ... you go to counseling and try to work through things.  Then, if you can't work things out you go your separate ways and then he can be with all the women he wants.  Unfortunately that's not the way it works most of the time.

Here's My Advice:

I believe it's important to know if he's cheated before.  If he has cheated before then I would not take him back under any circumstances.  Dr. Phil has said something more than once that I agree with 100% ... "the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior".  So, if he's cheated before he'll more than likely cheat again.  Dump him.

Is this the first time that he's ever cheated on you?  If so, then maybe you can work things out. But, in order for me recommend that my daughter make up with him and take him back, I would have to see that he is very, very sorry for what he's done.  He really needs to understand what trauma and emotional pain he's put you through and is truly sorry for that.  He needs to be willing to let you do whatever is required for you to gain trust in him again.  If you need to know where he is 24 hours a day 7 days a week than he has to agree to that.

If he is arrogant in the least or uncooperative in the least I would tell him to leave.

I know I'm making this sound a lot simpler than it really is.  I mean there are financial implications of splitting up.  If there are children in the relationship, then that complicates things considerably, too.

But in my opinion, from the very beginning of your relationship you need to be coming from a position of strength.  That means that, first of all, you need to be able to stand on your own two feet from a financial perspective.  So if you're reading this and you have not completed your education ... go back to school if at all possible.  Complete high school and then complete college.  That way you'll never "have to" stay with someone just because you have no way to support yourself.

From an emotional perspective, you need to feel good about yourself.  Take care of yourself ... physically and emotionally.  Feel good about yourself.  I don't care who you are ... there is something good and special about you.  Know that so you don't stay in a relationship with a "cheater" because you don't feel like you can do any better.  You can ALWAYS do better than staying with a cheater.